I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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