The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was confusing and full of hummus
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
