Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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