I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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