He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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