I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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