It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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