Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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