Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I believe in your delicious
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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