So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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