Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
