So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
