Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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