Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
