im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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