So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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