Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
