So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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