The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
