I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked a lego.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Randomize
