why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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