Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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