YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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