She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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