home. puking in laundry basket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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