i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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