I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
