What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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