Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
