Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
