It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
