i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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