Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
