You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
