can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
