fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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