If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
