Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
