addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
