i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
