you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
