I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
