Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
