and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
