if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My feet surprised me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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