Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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