Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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