you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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