don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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