she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
