don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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