Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
