put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up under a house in Key West
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
