I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
