apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
