You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We have so much sex to catch up on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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