Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
