Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
