Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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