i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
