they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
