So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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