he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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