I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
