hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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