Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
