Moan for me like Helen Keller
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
